SANTA REVEALED

North Pole-- A recent raid on Santa’s workshop has uncovered some questionable treatment of elves.

This is especially disturbing when one considers last year’s rumors of castration by apes in elf family households. There have also been reports of special treatment for female elves who wear red, and stifling of elf creativity by forbidding blue paint in the north pole. Some workers have reported anuses with cream attached.

Many have questioned, however, whether elves, as non-humans, are entitled to the same rights as human workers. Nevertheless, some from of payment seems reasonable.

“These spoons cost $50 a pop, and the elves aren't getting any of it” one FBI agent said on Tuesday. “But no amount of money can compensate for these violations to elf family justice.”